


someday

by happywriter16



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Established Relationship, M/M, Mild Language
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-24
Updated: 2018-09-24
Packaged: 2019-07-16 11:53:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16085570
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/happywriter16/pseuds/happywriter16
Summary: “We talked about it Jared. We talked about it. Fuck, I don’t even know how many times we talked about it.”





	someday

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Fall Fandom Free For All back in '08 on Livejournal. littlestclouds’s prompt: Supernatural rpf. Jared/Jensen, non-AU, Jensen accidentally outs them on national TV, and the repercussions that follow. 
> 
> Song and lyrics from the song Someday by Rob Thomas.

“So,” Jared says, finally. He sits on the couch’s arm, feet planted wide, arms crossed. He still looks ready for a fight. 

“So?” Jensen responds, his question evident. His expression is equal parts anger, relief, confusion. He expected more. He’s been laid bare by his own hands. It was as scary and as painful as he expected. 

Jared drops his arms, shrugs, and asks, “Where do we go from here?” Jensen’s always been able to read Jared pretty well so he’s sure he’s not imagining the willingness to start over in Jared’s voice. 

Jensen wants to say back to the beginning. What comes out is “I have no idea, but I’m sure we’ll figure something out.” 

\--- 

There are times when Jensen wishes the powers that be would just fucking cancel the show already. He’d get that phone call that tells him ‘It’s done. Don’t bother coming in tomorrow.’ He’d say ‘Thanks’, sleep for a couple days, and then he’d do something. He’s not sure what. 

He just wishes he didn’t have to see Jared every day; their only communication the lines Sam and Dean have to speak to each other. He’s pretty sure they, meaning everyone involved with the show, might break under the strain of everything. He’s not sure he won’t be the first. 

It’s really a shame since they have the best damn crew in the whole world, hands down, no question. The reaction on the first day back could be summed as “Anyone who didn’t know already either has never seen you two together or is a moron. When’s the wedding?” 

When he does get that phone call just before Thanksgiving that the show won’t back for a sixth season, he thinks he’s going to throw up. 

Instead he gets to Jared’s in under twenty minutes. 

\--- 

They’ve only been down this road once before. 

They’re not bullshitting when they say they had only ever fought that one time back in season one when they were just getting into the rhythm of being in each other’s orbit nearly twenty-four hours nearly every day. They just didn’t fight after that. Disagreements didn’t become these things that made them yell and curse and storm off. They didn’t sweat the small stuff, which they used to think was everything. 

“We talked about it Jared. We talked about it. Fuck, I don’t even know how many times we talked about it.” He runs his hands roughly through his hair. Now he probably looks as crazy as he feels. “The last time we decided that…” 

“No, you decided,” Jared interrupts, voice tight. 

“So, what you decided to screw with me because you didn’t get your way? How fucking childish is that?” 

“You are such an asshole,” Jared yells, hands going up in the air and then back down again, the universal sign for ‘What the fuck?’ “I can’t believe you honestly think I did that on purpose. To hurt you. In case you’ve haven’t noticed my life sucks out loud, too,” Jared yells. The only thing separating them is Jensen’s bed, the one he used to sleep in when he started to call this place home. It’d be Jared’s again before the night is through. “I was happy for you. Fucking estatic. I didn’t think. I just did it.” 

“That’s your fucking problem. You never think. You just do and to hell with everything else,” Jensen yells just as loud, maybe louder. 

Jared looks smug when he crosses his arms over his chest. “Like when?” 

Jensen can’t think of anything right now but that doesn’t mean Jared hasn’t done something. 

“I don’t know. It doesn’t matter, though. You outed us on national television so now we’re tabloid fodder for real and we could lose our goddamn jobs.” Jensen really just wants to break something. It sucks beyond all comprehension that he could lose just about everything, even though Jared didn’t do anything wrong. 

He knows that he’s being a real asshole; has been for the last couple of months. 

“So this about our job?” Jared asks, not wanting to believe what he’s hearing. 

“Our job. Future jobs. Our families and...” 

“Your family,” Jared cuts in, his words sharp like a knife. 

“Fuck you, Jared.” It’s a good thing the bed is between them because Jensen’s sure he’d throw a punch or two. 

“Not anymore.” He’s gone before Jensen can respond. 

\--- 

Jensen doesn’t believe in reading his own press because if he reads the good, he has to read the bad. Jared didn't read it either, before. He’d always say, “They hate you today, but love you tomorrow. It’s whatever.” 

Jensen catches him reading some site with ‘God hates gays’ in big bold, red capital letters across the top of the screen. Jared’s so absorbed in it he doesn’t hear Jensen enter the dining room, which should have a new name since they’ve never actually dined in it. 

Jared nearly jumps out of his skin when Jensen calls his name. 

“Oh my God, you should see your face,” Jensen – bent at the waist, hands on his knees, chest heaving with every breath – manages to get out. “Fuck, I wish I had a camera.” 

Jared glares, face red with the skin around his mouth and eyes pinched. He tells Jensen, “You’re an asshole” before he stalks out the room. 

If Jensen wasn’t laughing so hard, he’d realize Jared really meant it. 

\--- 

“Now I know what it feels like to be Britney,” Jensen jokes once settled in the back seat of the SUV with its too dark windows. Jensen flips off the paps. “I never want to say that again. Ever.” 

Jared’s laugh is pathetic at best. 

“Shouldn’t I be giving you the silent treatment?”Jensen asks. He’s looking at Jared, but he still has his shades on. 

Jared doesn’t take his off either when he says, “I know you're still mad, so let’s talk about it.” 

“What’s to talk about? It happened. We deal.” 

They spend the rest of the drive staring out their windows. 

\--- 

Jensen rolls over onto his back and stares up at the ceiling. He takes a deep breath then says, “Shooting’s been pushed back until further notice. Fuckers only gave us two days off when Kim died. Spent most of that time on a plane.” Jared doesn’t say anything even though he’s wide awake. Jensen can tell by his breathing. “There’s a meeting tomorrow at nine. A car’s being sent for us. Until then, we’re not supposed to say anything to anybody.” He waits for a response that never comes. He finally gets out of bed, pissed at everything and everyone. 

Jared spends the day in bed not sleeping. It’s really hard to not be where the other is, especially since they have time off. They’re so used to being around each other that it feels weird when they’re not together. Jared can’t bring himself to get out of bed though. Jared’s got to prepare himself for the inevitable, which is Jensen freaking out. He knows it’s coming. 

Jensen spends the day watching sports, avoiding the bedroom as much as possible. He knows Jared’s waiting for him to talk about it. He doesn’t know how to explain he’ll never forget the look Jared gave him when they said his name; how he understands that Jared had just done what any sane person would’ve done under the circumstances. But in that moment, everything he loved about Jared he hated just as much. He’s pretty sure things won’t end well and he doesn’t know if he can ever forgive Jared for that. 

 

The meetings can all be summed like this: A lot of “I don’t give a shit what you do in your personal life. When it starts affecting the network, we have a problem.” At the first meeting some executive in a black power suit with her hair pulled back so tight she should be in pain kept saying that as if it made some difference. 

There was a lot of “Do you know who our demographic is? Kids. Kids whose parents are having a fucking fit over their impressionable children watching you two.” Art said it the first time, another executive that Jensen may have met once but can’t be sure. Jensen wants to laugh, but doesn’t. It’s actually Eric that scoffs at the hypocrisy in that statement. After about the fifth time someone says something to that effect, he squeezes Jared’s thigh under the table to keep him from doing something stupid again. 

Jared and Jensen kept not looking at each other, but they had pretty much the same expressions on their face; an interesting mix of contriteness and ‘you are a raging asshole’ directed at the executives. It all boils down to “We don’t know what’s going to happen, but you’re fucking lucky the season started before the Emmy’s aired. It’s a wait and see game, boys. Gotta wait and see what the advertisers and viewers are going to do.” 

Jensen’s manager threatened to kill Jared after every meeting. Jensen’s pretty sure Jared’s manager threatened Jared's life just as many times. 

By the end of the four days they still haven’t talked about it. Jensen doesn’t want to admit that he’s mad at the situation and at Jared for causing it. Jared’s not letting Jensen off the hook; he’s not going to apologize for something for which he isn’t sorry. If one of them could leave without it being the lead story on ‘Entertainment Tonight’, they’d be gone. 

\--- 

The award show’s over; has been for a couple of hours. Jared’s working his way around the room, having gotten separated from Jensen at some point by some director whose name he should probably remember but can’t. He and Jensen haven’t said much to each other since he came back to the table. 

He finally spots Jensen standing alone, drink in hand, looking like he wants to be there and somewhere else entirely at the same time. Jensen makes eye contact with Jared, but he doesn’t smile. He doesn’t look pissed either, so Jared counts that as a win. 

“Hey,” Jared says, smiling. 

“Hey,” Jensen says back, eyes back to scanning the crowd. It’s still a pretty big crowd, some dancing but most gathered in small groups at tables and in corners talking. Jared’s mama used to say ‘If you’re ears are burning, somebody’s talking about you.’ He thinks of all his mama’s sayings, that one might be true. 

“Jensen, listen…” he starts. 

Jensen cuts him off with just a look, the one that says ‘save it’. 

Jared hates it when Jensen closes himself off. He’s doesn’t like being the cause of it. “Just tell me we’re going to be okay.” 

“Jared,” Jensen stops, takes a deep breath. “Later, okay? I gotta see if my parents made it back to the hotel okay. That is if they’re still talking to me.” 

Jared knows those words hurt to say because it hurts to hear them. 

\--- 

It’s sweet; just a soft press of lips to lips. “I love you” and “I’m so proud of you” all in it. The world narrowed down to this moment. It’s definitely not a kiss that can be brushed off as friendship or playing it up for the fans. 

When Jared pulls away, he sees his own panic reflected in Jensen’s eyes. He doesn’t have the time, let alone the words, to fix this. 

Jensen plasters a smile on his face and puts one foot in front of the other. He’s an actor; Emmy award-winning. Not just daytime anymore. 

Once on stage, he says the first thing that comes to mind. “As you can see Jared is really excited for me. Gotta love him.” 

He laughs, feeling his face heat up more, and is incredibly grateful for the too bright lights so he can’t see the audience. His parents are going to kill him. 

“Thanks for the nomination. Thanks to those who voted for me. Um, this is unbelievable. Um, thanks to the best fans in the world, who are probably losing their minds right now. Thanks to the people involved in the show. They make me look good. Thanks to my family and friends who’ve always supported me and who won’t let this go to my head. Thank you.” 

He’s ushered off stage to the press room and is nearly blinded by the flashbulbs going off. He smiles, letting them snap his picture as he gathers his thoughts. They all talk at once, so it’s hard to make out whole sentences. Jensen gets the gist of it, though. None of them want to talk about the Emmy weighing heavy in his hands. He doesn’t think he’ll ever get tired of holding it. 

“So you and Jared?” some guy down in front calls out, looking downright giddy. Jensen doesn’t like the look in his eye one bit. 

“Yes, but I don’t want to talk about it now. I just won an Emmy!” He gives him them his best smile, throwing a little bit of Dean in for good measure. It works, but it’s not like he doesn’t notice the collective sense of disappointment that fills the air. 

\--- 

“You know you’re going to win,” Jared all but whispers when he doesn’t even need to. It’s just them in the dark quiet of their bedroom. They both should be sleeping after having worked from sun up to sun down. But Jensen can’t sleep, not just because of the moonlight coming in pieces through the blinds the cleaning lady leaves open and they always forget to close. 

“You should be asleep,” Jensen tells Jared, his left hand working its way through Jared’s hair. “I must be losing my touch.” 

Jared shifts so that he’s lying more on Jensen, head propped up on Jensen’s chest. He huffs a laugh before saying, “I can’t sleep. You think too loud. I’ve told you about that.” 

“I can’t help it.” Jensen shrugs. “I could win. It’s a long shot but I could.” 

“Didn’t you hear what I said? Losing your hearing already.” Jared shakes his head, lets Jensen smoosh him. 

“Very funny.” Jensen’s smiling like it is. 

Silence settles back over them. 

Jared breaks the silence with “I wish I could be there to see you win. You should take your mom, your parents, depending on how many tickets you get.” 

“If I get enough, you know you’re coming.” 

“I won’t be your date.” Jared sounds tired, which Jensen knows isn’t from work. 

Jensen runs a thumb over Jared’s mouth. He’s so sexy when he pouts. “We’ve talked about this Jared.” 

Jared moves up Jensen’s body so that they’re face to face. “I just want everyone to know how much I love you.” 

\--- 

_maybe someday_  
_we'll live our lives out loud_  
_we'll be better off somehow someday_

**Author's Note:**

> I started this fic in ’08 when I heard Jensen was on the list for an Emmy nom. 
> 
> Thanks to feathertofly kimberlyfdr for the beta. I worked on it after they looked at it so any remaining mistakes are all mine.


End file.
